Twenty years ago, I was writing a series of weekly newspaper articles that were mainly concerned with security issues. The one that follows used an experience I had in a Dale Carnegie class to point out that America was getting tired of crooks and cretains just ignoring all the relevant laws and social mores that helped keep our veneer of civilization from craking and falling apart.

Then, yesterday, a “friend” on Face Book posted a story (Joke) about Texas women being independent and willing to do things their own way. That story reminded me of this one about a real cowboy and “Momma” , his wife.

Hope you enjoy it….

Remember, Don’t Booger Momma!

By Jake Jakubuwski

Copyright, 1992, 2012 All rights reserved

            I met Buck and Momma Sumpter (not their real names) at a Dale Carnegie class in 1972.  Buck was a real, honest-to-goodness cowboy, who had literally spent years “in the saddle.”  Momma, Buck’s wife, was bigger than Buck and carried herself like she just wouldn’t “book no foolishness from nobody.”  This, as I later found out, was mostly true.  However, Momma had a marvelous sense of humor and a soft spot for strays and hard luck stories.

At any rate, part of the Dale Carnegie training required each “student” to relate a story about something that had happened during their life that made a lasting impression on them, and what they had learned from the experience.

When Buck’s turn came, he told the following story.

“We was workin’ on a ranch in Wes’Texasan’ Momma an’ me had us a little house down the road from the ranch.  One day, the fellas and I decided to go into town after we was finished work an’ have us a beer or two.”

“Well, we all met up at a place where the music was good an’ the beer was cold an’ ‘fore I knew it, I’d had more beers than I could remember, an’ I could jest make out that the clock said it was midnight.  Man!  I knew Momma was gonna be UNHAPPY!  We didn’t have a phone, an’ I couldn’t call her.  So, I had another beer whilst I thought it out.”

“An’ while thinkin’, I drunk enough of that good, cold beer to get a little confused about where I parked my car.  Truth was, I just plain couldn’t find it.  Not wantin’ to waste more time, I decided I could walk the four miles to the house, in an hour, easy.  An’ I figured it wouldn’t hurt to carry a six-pack along.  After all, it was a warm night”

“Bout the time I got close to the house, I had drunk three of the beers an’ I saw a light still on.  I knew Momma was waitin’ up, an’ I was in for it.  So, real quiet like I snuck up to the house figurin’ that if Momma had dozed off, I could slip in an’ she’d never know, right?  Wouldn’t ya’ know it?  I kin’ a peeked through the screen door an’ Momma was bright-eyed an’ readin’.”

“I knew I couldn’t sneak in, an’ I thought about it a bit an’ figured the only thing to do was have a little fun with Momma an’ try to kid her inta forgettin I told her I’d be back earlier.  So, I snuck real quiet like to the window that Momma was sittin’ by, jumped up real quick an’ let out the godawfulest roar I could.”

“Did that booger Momma!?  Man, let me tell you!  Momma come outa that chair like the devil’d grabbed her ankle!  She turnst t’wards the window with my 12-guage on her hip…an” I knew boogerin” Momma weren’t the best idea I’d ever had!  I threw the last three beers straight up in the air an’ fell back’ards to the ground yellin’, Momma!  (KAYBOOM!).  It’s me!  (KAYBOOM!).  Buck!”

“Momma’s first shot took out the top of the window an’ the three beers I throwed in the air.  Her second took out the screen in the bottom of the window.  I’m lucky t’be here ‘cause that lady knows how to use a shotgun!  An’ if I hadn’t been jest plain, fallin’ down drunk lucky, she’d a got me for sure!”

The instructor asked Buck what he had learned from the experience and Buck said, “I learned that you don’t booger Momma!”

I remembered the foregoing the other day when I saw two bumper stickers on the same car.  One said, “Fight Crime:  Shoot Back!” and the other one said, “When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”  Then several other things popped into my mind.

More Americans than ever are buying guns for protection.  More Americans than ever are taking self-defense classes.  More Americans than ever are demanding their streets and neighborhoods back.  More Americans than ever want stiffer punishment for criminals

Those facts should send Tommy and Tessie Thug a very clear and forceful message:  “Momma (America) ain’t happy!  So, don’t booger Momma!”

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LOCKSMITH SCAMS AND SCAMMERS

By: Jake Jakubuwski

Many folks in this country might seldom ever have the need of a locksmith’s services.

So it’s no wonder that when someone is unlucky enough to lock their keys in their car, or get locked out of their home they can easily find themselves the victim of a rapidly growing number of scammers.

Scammers are people who pose as bona-fide, legitimate locksmiths.

Often they have huge ads in the local Yellow Pages and frequently bear names like Locksmiths, USA, Anywhere Locksmith, 24/7Locksmiths, Emergency Locksmith  and more. If you use your iPhone to find a locksmith on the Internet, their ads often read  “ ———- Locksmith. Serving the ——— area” The name(s) they use is unimportant. Knowing that they are out there waiting for another unsuspecting person to fall prey to their tactics is very, very important.

The tactics they use to fleece you, your neighbors and friends are what make them a menace to the public and give legitimate locksmiths a bad name. 

Often, they use phony local addresses. The addresses they use are often real — those are  just addresses that actually belong to churches, schools, chiropractors, vacant buildings and individuals in order for the scammers to appear to be a well-established, local company.

Think about that. If a scammer told you they’re address was “915 Main Street”, you might know where Main Street is, but would you know if the building at that address was occupied by a locksmith, a luncheonette or a lawyer?

There was one incident recently, in North Carolina, where the scammers actually used the company name AND address of a local, well-established and reputable locksmith company. The scammers literally hijacked that company’s business persona, and customers with their online ad.

One of their favorite ploys is to quote a low service fee for opening a locked auto, home or business. Then when they get to the job site; the price increases tenfold or more. Another ploy, to justify their higher price, is to claim the car or the lock on the front door of a home cannot be picked or manipulated and they’ll have to use a special tool or drill the lock!

Then, if you’re really lucky, they might have a lock to replace the one they drilled. It was a car “opening” probably not. If it was a residential or business door opening, they’ll have a cheap import lock that they’ll swear is “High Security” and sell it to you for $400.00! I use “lucky” in this sense to indicate that you can at least lock your door after the scammer has left.

They might show up in a plain, ordinary and unremarkable automobile rather then a well-lettered and highly visible van. They seldom wear any sort of uniform and are reluctant to produce any type of identification. Too often, you are frustrated and only interested in solving your problem. As a consequence, you may not be as alert to the possibility of a scam as you should be and too late,  find yourself a victim.

They frequently travel in pairs. If you question them, they often become belligerent and threatening. At 2 A.M. or high noon, such behavior can be intimidating and cause you to cave into their outrageous demands. 

What can you do to keep from getting into a situation where you’re at risk of being the victim of a locksmith scam?

Obviously spare keys that are either accessible or that a friend, a neighbor or a family member can bring to you is a very good idea.

Locating and checking out (through the BBB if necessary, or the City Licensing Board) a bona-fide locksmith in your area and putting their number in your cell phone’s speed dial is a good idea. Or you can check out ALOA.org (The Associated Locksmith of America) and find one of their members in your area.

There are usually state locksmith associations that you can contact to find the name and telephone number of one of their members in your area.

Is this a lot of work and preparation for something that might never happen? Sure it is. But how much is your safety and peace of mind worth? 

If you’re out of town — my best suggestion would be to contact the local PD and ask them if they can assist you — or suggest someone who can help you.

If you do happen to call a locksmith and some guy shows up that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck — pay attention to you instincts — and call the cops. It would be better to find out from the local police that the guy/gal was legit then it would be to be a victim of a scam locksmith or worse.

If you still wind up the victim of a locksmith scam, contact your  State Attorney’s Office – Consumers Affairs — and report the incident to them.

To give you an idea of how prevalent this problem is in this country; follow this link, courtesy of:

 The Associated Locksmiths of America

http://www.aloa.org/pdf/pressroom.pdf

PLEASE NOTE: This is information that everyone should have. Please copy the PURE JAKE link, in the location bar at the top of the page and forward this to all your friends and acquaintances. Or, paste and copy the entire article. Which ever is easiest for you. Remember: This could well be information that will save someone, you care for, from a problem that they don’t need. So, pass it on…PLEASE!